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Solution Seeking System
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Leadership Tool 03

Targeted Conversations

For when feedback isn't enough — when something is complicated, involves emotions, or is more nuanced. Always private, working toward mutual understanding and then a solution, while building trust and showing good faith.

When feedback isn’t enough, a Targeted Conversation works toward mutual understanding and then a solution. It follows the Communication Protocol — the only addition is a bit more emphasis on how the problem affects the greater system you’re part of, not just the local interpersonal one.

Best practices

  • Pull the person aside. Privacy eliminates outside pressures and insecurities.
  • Set the table. Language is subjective; we don’t all share the same understanding of a topic. Like setting out plates and silverware before a meal, lay out the concepts, terminology, and context so the conversation goes smoothly.
  • Be clear. Do the heavy lifting of including all necessary information.
  • Be kind. These conversations require vulnerability and bravery. Use Introspection so you’re coming from compassion, not secondary emotions.
  • Be a good host. Offer water, food, anything that helps the participant feel comfortable. Being well-prepared shows you cared enough to really try — and invites them to do the same.

How to give a Targeted Conversation

  1. Prepare yourself first. Use Introspection. Identify your real concerns, separate emotion from observation, and enter with compassion and good faith.
  2. Create privacy and safety. Pull the person aside; ensure no outside pressures, distractions, or onlookers.
  3. Set the table. Clarify terms, context, and intentions. Explain why you’re having the conversation and what you hope to accomplish.
  4. Clearly describe the problem. State the specific behavior or incident. Avoid vague language — clarity is kindness. Frame it in terms of how it impacts both them and the larger system.
  5. Invite their perspective. Ask them to share how they see the issue. Listen without interruption and check understanding by summarizing. Show empathy and patience, especially if emotions are high.
  6. Work toward mutual understanding. Use clarifying and reflective questions to uncover root causes. Recognize emotions without judgment. Ensure both parties feel seen before moving on.
  7. Shift to solution seeking. Collaboratively explore options. Make solutions specific, actionable, and connected to the health of the overall system. Confirm mutual agreement and record the plan if needed.
  8. Follow up. Revisit after an agreed period to check whether the solution is working and whether adjustment is needed.