Practice · Demos
See it in action
Every demo below is a complete, annotated conversation showing what someone walks away with: assumptions named, an opening they can actually say, and a concrete, testable plan. When one looks like your situation, you can start your own conversation from it.
The employee who kept arriving late
A team lead is fed up after the fourth late arrival this month, and has already decided what it means.
Where it starts
“I'm done being patient. Marcus was late again and I'm going to make it clear this isn't acceptable.”
Where it ends
- Separated what she actually observed from what she was assuming
- Found the real concern under the anger: fairness to the rest of the team
- An opening line that isn't an ambush
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Fictional demonstration
The manager who kept adding work
An individual contributor whose manager keeps piling on projects without changing priorities, and who's afraid that pushing back will look like weakness.
Where it starts
“If I push back, I'll just look like I can't handle the job everyone else seems to manage.”
Where it ends
- Separated the workload facts from the story about what they meant
- Named the real fear underneath: being judged as inadequate
- An opener that states capacity plainly: no apology, no accusation
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Fictional demonstration
The coworker who snapped
Someone tried to help a coworker in a meeting and got snapped at in front of everyone. Now they're stewing and want an apology.
Where it starts
“I was just trying to help and she bit my head off in front of everyone. I keep replaying it. I want an apology.”
Where it ends
- Named the real sting: embarrassment at being snapped at publicly, not just anger
- Reframed 'I want an apology' into the underlying need: feeling safe and respected in meetings
- A good-faith read of what Renee's day might have held, without excusing the snap
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Fictional demonstration
The same fight every Sunday
A couple has the same fight about chores every week. Apologies happen, nothing changes, and the resentment is compounding.
Where it starts
“We have the same fight every Sunday. I say I'm doing everything, he says I never asked for help, we apologize, and nothing changes.”
Where it ends
- Named the pattern: the weekly fight is a failed review loop, and it was never really about the dishes
- Found the need under the scorekeeping: feeling seen, not just fewer tasks
- An honest guess at his side of it, to verify rather than assume
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Fictional demonstration
Rebuilding one-on-ones that nobody wanted
A newly promoted manager inherited a 12-person team whose one-on-ones have decayed into status meetings everyone quietly dreads.
Where it starts
“I inherited a 12-person team and my one-on-ones are just status meetings. Half the team cancels. I don't blame them.”
Where it ends
- The one-on-one reframed from status reporting to proactive listening, with status moved back to async
- A five-question opening bank rooted in named Wisdom Principles
- A cadence that survives contact with twelve people: monthly baseline, biweekly for the two newest
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Fictional demonstration
Making scheduling fair in a worker cooperative
A worker cooperative's scheduling meetings keep collapsing into fights about fairness: parents want weekends, students want exam-week flexibility, and the veterans feel taken for granted.
Where it starts
“Every scheduling meeting turns into a fight about what's 'fair.' Last month two people almost quit over a holiday shift.”
Where it ends
- The recurring fight named for what it is: a Mutual Understanding failure. Everyone argues positions without ever hearing the constraints underneath
- Explicit fairness criteria the co-op agrees on before anyone touches the calendar
- A participatory proposal process where any member can put forward a schedule that honors the constraints
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Fictional demonstration
When a conversation isn't the answer
A coworker's repeated comments have crossed a line; everyone says "just talk to him," but it feels different. And it is.
Where it starts
“Everyone keeps saying I should just talk to him privately. But something about this feels different, and I don't know if I'm overreacting.”
Where it ends
- Heard that their unease is information, not overreaction
- A clear explanation of why the 'just talk to him' advice may be wrong here
- A documentation habit: dates, exact words, witnesses, saved messages
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Fictional demonstration
Every scenario here is fictional, written to demonstrate the method honestly, including one where a private conversation is not the right answer.