# Targeted Conversations: Leadership Tool 3 of 4

> For when feedback isn't enough: when something is complicated, involves emotions, or is more nuanced. Always private, working toward mutual understanding and then a solution, while building trust and showing good faith.

## Desired outcomes

- Addressing a specific problem
- Creating Mutual Understanding
- Finding a Solution that can be applied
- Building Trust

## When to use it

- A repetitive behavior that doesn't conform to the system (breaking a rule consistently, or performing a role incorrectly even after feedback)
- Chronic behavior, social, or communication issues, especially if they've sharply increased in frequency
- A more serious violation of the system happening for the first time
- Sharp emotional or behavioral changes that are concerning

When feedback isn't enough, a Targeted Conversation works toward mutual understanding
and then a solution. It follows the Communication Protocol; the only addition is a bit
more emphasis on how the problem affects the **greater system** you're part of, not
just the local interpersonal one.

## Best practices

- **Pull the person aside.** Privacy eliminates outside pressures and insecurities.
- **Set the table.** Language is subjective; we don't all share the same understanding of a topic. Like setting out plates and silverware before a meal, lay out the concepts, terminology, and context so the conversation goes smoothly.
- **Be clear.** Do the heavy lifting of including all necessary information.
- **Be kind.** These conversations require vulnerability and bravery. Use Introspection so you're coming from compassion, not secondary emotions.
- **Be a good host.** Offer water, food, anything that helps the participant feel comfortable. Being well-prepared shows you cared enough to really try, and invites them to do the same.

## How to give a Targeted Conversation

1. **Prepare yourself first.** Use Introspection. Identify your real concerns, separate emotion from observation, and enter with compassion and good faith.
2. **Create privacy and safety.** Pull the person aside; ensure no outside pressures, distractions, or onlookers.
3. **Set the table.** Clarify terms, context, and intentions. Explain why you're having the conversation and what you hope to accomplish.
4. **Clearly describe the problem.** State the specific behavior or incident. Avoid vague language; clarity is kindness. Frame it in terms of how it impacts both them and the larger system.
5. **Invite their perspective.** Ask them to share how they see the issue. Listen without interruption and check understanding by summarizing. Show empathy and patience, especially if emotions are high.
6. **Work toward mutual understanding.** Use clarifying and reflective questions to uncover root causes. Recognize emotions without judgment. Ensure both parties feel seen before moving on.
7. **Shift to solution seeking.** Collaboratively explore options. Make solutions specific, actionable, and connected to the health of the overall system. Confirm mutual agreement and record the plan if needed.
8. **Follow up.** Revisit after an agreed period to check whether the solution is working and whether adjustment is needed.

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Part of the Solution Seeking System (https://solutionseeking.com) by David & Shannon Baxter, Beanchain Coffee LLC. Please attribute quotations to the Solution Seeking System.